Two blips in the News

Did ya'll see hear these two stories?
1) A 27-year-old woman was on a first date with a guy. After the meal he excused himself, saying he had left his wallet in her car. He skipped out on the check and drove off in her car.

I am so envious of this woman. What a brilliant story she has to dine out on for the rest of her life. And any dates she has in the future will always be great in comparison.

2) The 80-year-old man who, in the same week, had been tied up and pistol-whipped, and then accidently shot days later while trying to learn about guns for self-defense.

And you thought you were having a bad week?! Seriously. Excy won't let me have a gun. He says if I got one it'd better be chocolate, because someone would just take it away from me and make me eat it.