Saturday, October 3, 2009

Obnoxious People & Things I've Done in Retaliation, Pt. 1

One time when I was in a Wal-mart parking lot, I saw this woman change her baby's diaper in her car and then toss the used one out the window -- splat, not even very far. She had to step over it when she got out and lumbered into the store. I waited to make sure she wasn't coming right back, and when I was pretty sure no one was watching, I walked over to her car and yeeeessssss! It wasn't locked! I picked it up by an edge and shoved it far up under her driver's seat. Do you think she figured it out? It's doubtful. Probably the only lesson she learned was to always lock her doors. I should go around in an Avengers outfit. At least an 'Emma Peele' catsuit......*

*This is a weird store. I have a friend who is an insominac, so she'd always go there around midnight. She noticed every time she did there would be this 'person' she would follow to try to decipher if it was male or female. From her description, it sounded a bit like Cousin It with a beehive. I told M. the beehive gave it away as being a female......is that sexist? I tried to go see, too, but I guess my timing was off, as I never did. Then we moved to Wye.

The store was also frequented by a family of Zombies.Thier son had a shrunken Dwight D. Eisenhower head on a tiny toddler body, and they all had yellow teeth and a 1000-yard stare. Having the demeanor of a cruise director I'd always nod and smile and say Hey, but they would only turn and look at me and lick their lips. (Okay, I made that last part up). But I noticed that everyone -even their cashier --would lean away from them.

7 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I think you might be my hero. That is exactly the sort of thing (the diaper incident) that I always wish I had the balls to do. I only feel bad for you that you don't get to see her reaction when she finally finds it. Coincidentally, I just got back from Walmart right before I read this entry and I am grouchy because the line was ENORMOUS and full of screeching tiny kids and the sort of women who look like they'd happily chuck a poopy diaper out of a car window. That place tests my every last nerve.

S.E. Sward said...

OMG, I cannot BELIEVE you did that! That is too funny. I wonder how long it took her to find that diaper? I applaud your chutzpah, but would recommend you refrain from a repeat - too many cameras in Walmart parking lots. Although, if you just can't help yourself, I know a good lawyer ... ;-)

I hate Walmart, for all the reasons you list above and a few others. No where else on earth are the employees that sullen, apathetic and incompetent. Growing up, the nearest Walmart was on the edge of Springdale closest to Fayetteville, where we lived, and I loathed going there because the habitues of that particular Walmart were so snaggle-toothed and obviously inbred, I broke out in hives and could swear I heard the banjo from Deliverance ... they all looked at me with the weirdest expression on their redneck faces, as if to say, "You don't look like my kin." *shudder* Of course I didn't, I have all my chromosomes,thankyouverymuch.

Chris said...

Sounds like a great place to collect photos for People of Walmart (.com). I'm sure you know I'm not surprised by your chutzpah. Though it does make me miss you all the more.

Aunt Juicebox said...

This reminds me of the time(s) I've left notes on peoples windshields who parked too close to my car door. I'm the queen of passive-aggressive!

Indigo said...

I would've done exactly the same thing. People should not trow their unwanted litter out of their car windows, exp nappies, it's uncalled for. I would have smeared it all over her seat too... hand on nose!

Tater Tot Mom said...

Hoorah for you! I wish I had the gumption to do something like that!

As for Wal-Mart, I have to admit that I love that store, if not for the low prices for the people watching. My favorites are the cart fetchers. There is this one that looks EXACTLY like Napoleon Dynamite and I'm trying to figure out how to take his picture without him knowing. He even wears moon boots in the winter!

Brenda Jean said...

BAHAHaHAHAHa I hope she didn't find it and that it STUNK really bad. As far as the zombie family-- I really try not to make eye contact or even LOOK at people when I'm in Walmart:)

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest