Old News of the Weird

Tucked away in my 'simply too good to be true' file is this little (pork) nugget. For your edification:
300 pound Pig Upsets Passengers, Embarrasses Airline
A 'pampered porker' flew first class on US Airways from Philadelphia to Seattle on a nonstop flight for 6 hrs. Sources familiar with the incident (sounds a little deep throat) say the pig's owners (I'd say staff) convinced the airline the animal was a therapeutic companion pet (and just what would a pig's services be? Eating? Rooting around? ) "Frankly," one witness said, "I couldn't tell what kind of therapeutic service it was providing. (Ah, there's the rub -- how did this escape the reservationist?) All I know is it was ugly (ah -- I bet it didn't judge you...) and it pooped."

The Airline confirmed the incident and stressed it would never happen again. The pig's owners (how politically incorrect) were a woman in her 30s and an elderly woman who claimed they had a doctor's note (apparently a universal free pass, regardless of your age) with them to fly with the animal. The pig's owner (I'd say assistant) had described the pig over the phone as weighing 13 pounds, but when it got to the gate it weighed 300 pounds. It took four people to wheel it past security and to the gate and they were struggling (and yet they did...) Baggage charges were waived (!) and the pig was seated on the floor in first class. "It didn't smell -- it was a clean pig, and it slept like a pig in a blanket," said one witness."Mostly people made jokes about lunch being BLT sandwiches," said another...

It wasn't until after the plane landed that the pig wreaked havoc. Squealing loudly, it ran loose through the aircraft and tried to enter the cockpit * finally finding refuge in the food alley** and refusing to budge. The two female passengers traveling with the pig struggled to control the animal*** and manged to drag it off the aircraft and into the jetway. That's where it left its mess. Another woman suggested the owners pick up the pig's feces and they were not happy about that, the report stated. **** Once the pig was off the aircraft, another passenger had to push it from behind while the two owners pulled it up the ramp while the pig squealed loudly. FFA officials in Seattle said there were unfamiliar with the incident+ and vowed to investigate.

* It feel asleep on the job, it was a terrorist, obviously...
** Natch....
*** Oh, now it's an 'animal'...
**** Shit happens. I think these women wouldn't be popular on the streets of the city...
+ Why am I not surprised. Dollars to donuts the matter was dropped immediately. So there is such a thing as bad publicity...