Wednesday, September 30, 2009

In the Sweet By and By...

I freely admit to being an odd sort. One of the things I tend to collect are quirky stories that catch my eye, the truth always being as strange, or stranger than, fiction, and often downright hysterical. I also peruse obituaries. Here are some interesting ways people have left this mortal coil......

(I'd better not print the real names, so I'll make them up...

Mima Fife O'Needy has 'gone dancing on the streets of gold' ...(where? I wanna go....)

Blakity Blackstrap was 'called home to eternal rest in his home' ...(not so good Blakity, I think I'll pass -- I'd be bored outta my mind spending eternity in my home, as much as I love it...)

Prescott Pevahouse was ushered out in 'a blazing chariot bound for Glory' that 'transfigured his soul..' .... (methinks Mr. Pevahouse was a touch wee dramatic in his former life....)

'The brief vapor that had been the essence of' Natalie Sodbusker 'evaporated into eternity' ... (no doubt she was a 'dear friend' of Mr. Pevahouse)

'The sweet song of life' of Buddo Brisket 'was hushed by the Angel of Silence' ....(Good grief? -sorry couldn't resist- Even in heaven they have hall monitors?!)

Ollie Ollie Oxenfree 'triumphantly walked the lonesome valley through which we must all someday sail'.....(okay, Ollie, but which is it - a walk or a sail?)

Then there are the usual, people 'earning their wings' (I thought my 'work' was behind me at this point..), being 'transfixing to eternity' or 'spiriting away on her ethereal chariot,' 'spirited away from her earthly tabernacle' or once again, have that angel of silence get into the act, as when it 'visited' Malcolm Bewelle and 'led him to eternal slumber.' This particular angel seems a mite bossy to me, so I hope I don't meet up with him...

And finally, this one I love for hedging her bets......
Francis Dinwoody McPoo: 'On approximately DATE/TIME, an Angel -- perhaps two-- came and carried our precious' McPoo 'to her heavenly home to join Jesus and her parents' .... I hope she wasn't busted out by them for some curfew. Sounds like it might have been iffy, seeing as how she needed two to accompany her...

Finally, my sharp little eyes fell upon a list of survivors the other day, and was delighted to read that one brother's first name was Twig, and a nephew was christened 'Branch.' Will he start an interesting family tree of his own one day?

7 comments:

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I'm glad you changed their names. Yours are WAY better!

:D

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

the people who named their kids TWIG and BRANCH need to be CANED

S.E. Sward said...

I will haunt anyone who writes crap like that about my departure from this mortal coil. I will have croaked, plain and simple, not passed, evaporated, departed, sailed or transfigured. I will not be going to my eternal rest, slumber or other hackneyed euphemism for death. I will be worm's meat. Altho' I have to say 'dancing on streets of gold' certainly sounds more appealing than the rest of that claptrap. I wish obits told us what they did of/from. That's what this morbidly curious mind wants to know.

S.E. Sward said...

Crap - I meant 'died' of/from, not did of/from.

Andrea said...

Hey, just stopped by from SITS. These are hilarious!

UBERMOUTH said...

It's funny how we will skip around just saying such and such dropped effing dead[and owed us money,the little shyte!] :)

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

WHat an unusual and refreshing blog! Thanks for dropping by mine and introducing tour self...

I love to support new bloggers....so l will be dropping by regularly!

Your sonds an interesting and diverse life....Mustangs wow, (or is that made up, gosh l hope not I am visualising here)

saz aka FFF