Two screws that need to be bolted -- to something

To the two people who managed to piss me off while I was out running errands the other day -- congratulations. It takes a while for me to get cheesed off, but you two did it, in spades.

#1: The woman who looks like a toothpick with bottle-blond hair and two olives stuck sideways (guess where) who parked her big a-- SUV in the only open handicapped space in front of the salon? You're quite something. No matter it was raining and I had to hike through the parking lot juggling my cane, an open umbrella, and a full bag to the salon. Though not a 'confronter,' I did cut daggers towards you, to which you shrugged, and addressing the receptionist said, "I just needed to dash in to buy a bottle of shampoo." Hey, I totally understand your immediate needs are FAR MORE IMPORTANT than the rest of the 'little people,' who actually need to park up close. If hiking in the driving rain and ruining my just-done hair so you can park for two minutes to run into the shop, thus saving you from exercising one more second than in the gym you were dressed for, can help you out in any way, it was MY pleasure. Bitch.

#2: The man who parked his BMW sideways across two handicapped lanes in front of the store later that same day? To you I say "Brilliant." I am in awe of your incivility. I had no idea anyone even has that much arrogance. It was worth parking a fourth of a mile away just to walk up behind you and stand in your shadow. And wait 10 minutes while you proceeded to focus on flirting with the salesperson, dismissing the line gathering behind you. I am so sorry the check-out girl was unimpressed with your preening and lame-o come-on lines. She clearly did not see your big a-- fancy car, even though you shook your keychain at her with the BMW logo attached several times. And it could only have been closer if you had crashed through the front window. I'm fairly certain the only reason you didn't was you didn't want to pay for new glass. Better luck to you next time. And if this happens again? Ignore the dripping woman doing the slow burn behind you. She's just envious of your car.